I have grown up a lot in the past few years. But before I tell you how, let
me say that growth wears different hats in life and it is not only just
measured in chronological order, (age determinate), but also in terms of
progress, success, achievements and personal bests. I am happy to say that my
growth has included all four metrics in varying degrees, and that it did not
just happen by nature. As it is in our age progression, we should naturally
grow in wisdom and understanding.
Sometimes it was mostly an uphill struggle because I was trying to do it all on my own. There were lots of times when I was ready to give up, throw in the towel, concede defeat, but I didn’t. I persevered and as I continued to do so, I had no idea that although I was metaphorically speaking on a battlefield, I was in fact growing even in the middle of my fight, and even because of it.
Before I learned to pray, I had to learn two very important lessons; what prayer was and how it worked into my life and how to do it effectively. What I actually had to learn about spirituality and how God would work in my life was how to listen for his voice. I was clueless as to how I needed to “fix my life” and as so many of us have done, I finally tried seeking God’s help when nothing else would work. It was the best decision I had made in a very long time, one I would never regret and one that would continue to reward me for the rest of my life as long as I stayed close by his side.
You must understand that although I was raised to attend church dutifully and to pray, I was not taught anything about a relationship with God, and that prayer is a two-way conversation that means listening for as well as talking to God. I had no idea at all that Satan (the enemy) is very real and that his job is to keep opposition, negativity, self-reproach, doubts and worry front and center in our lives, and that it is a daily; sometimes hourly fight against him and his demon friends to keep him in his place.
Knowing that God loves me unconditionally, that even if I don’t see things happening right away, and that he is definitely working in my favor has become one of the most enlightening revelations in my life. I wasted so very many of my younger years trying to solve my problems, bear all my burdens, alone. To me prayer was limited to “The Lord’s Prayer” and if I did pray my own prayers they were almost always selfish ones and I was totally ignorant of the fact that I was asking him to do things and give me things that he was absolutely no part of.
Now I know when to pray to the Father, and when to pray to God; always with thanksgiving and bringing my supplications to him “in Jesus name”. In other words, I have learned how to pray effectually and with patience and that prayers do not have to be a long drawn out speech but a simple and honest conversation from the heart. God just wants to know that we love him and his son Jesus, and that we have given him our hearts and our willingness to listen and obey.
I used to be a “judgmental extremist” meaning that I judged everyone and anyone by my standards. I was manipulative, full of strife, argumentative, selfish and miserable. I was lonely and often felt left out because others got tired of my extremist personality and obnoxious ways, so often I felt secluded, but to my way of thinking they were the ones who were wrong, not me. What surprised me the most on my journey of self-discovery was that I was compensating with attitude for things lacking in my life, and the important things were lacking in my life because I had no self-control.
Learning that stability and self-control are major factors in having real peace and victory in my life was a startling revelation. Coming into knowledge of the truth about who I am, and how life can be lived with joy and happiness regardless of my circumstances has been wonderful. I have begun the learning process that teaches me that I don’t have to say everything that I think, especially if it will be something hurtful, sarcastic or will cause a rift in a relationship.
I am making progress in controlling my thoughts. And I am grateful for the roller coaster ride because it has shown me how fabulous it can be when the ride slows and steadies itself.
With a humble and a grateful heart, I am who I am, and that person is pretty special!
This article can also be read under the 'My Portfolio of Short Stories' section tab of the navigation bar at the top of the Home page.
Sometimes it was mostly an uphill struggle because I was trying to do it all on my own. There were lots of times when I was ready to give up, throw in the towel, concede defeat, but I didn’t. I persevered and as I continued to do so, I had no idea that although I was metaphorically speaking on a battlefield, I was in fact growing even in the middle of my fight, and even because of it.
Before I learned to pray, I had to learn two very important lessons; what prayer was and how it worked into my life and how to do it effectively. What I actually had to learn about spirituality and how God would work in my life was how to listen for his voice. I was clueless as to how I needed to “fix my life” and as so many of us have done, I finally tried seeking God’s help when nothing else would work. It was the best decision I had made in a very long time, one I would never regret and one that would continue to reward me for the rest of my life as long as I stayed close by his side.
You must understand that although I was raised to attend church dutifully and to pray, I was not taught anything about a relationship with God, and that prayer is a two-way conversation that means listening for as well as talking to God. I had no idea at all that Satan (the enemy) is very real and that his job is to keep opposition, negativity, self-reproach, doubts and worry front and center in our lives, and that it is a daily; sometimes hourly fight against him and his demon friends to keep him in his place.
Knowing that God loves me unconditionally, that even if I don’t see things happening right away, and that he is definitely working in my favor has become one of the most enlightening revelations in my life. I wasted so very many of my younger years trying to solve my problems, bear all my burdens, alone. To me prayer was limited to “The Lord’s Prayer” and if I did pray my own prayers they were almost always selfish ones and I was totally ignorant of the fact that I was asking him to do things and give me things that he was absolutely no part of.
Now I know when to pray to the Father, and when to pray to God; always with thanksgiving and bringing my supplications to him “in Jesus name”. In other words, I have learned how to pray effectually and with patience and that prayers do not have to be a long drawn out speech but a simple and honest conversation from the heart. God just wants to know that we love him and his son Jesus, and that we have given him our hearts and our willingness to listen and obey.
I used to be a “judgmental extremist” meaning that I judged everyone and anyone by my standards. I was manipulative, full of strife, argumentative, selfish and miserable. I was lonely and often felt left out because others got tired of my extremist personality and obnoxious ways, so often I felt secluded, but to my way of thinking they were the ones who were wrong, not me. What surprised me the most on my journey of self-discovery was that I was compensating with attitude for things lacking in my life, and the important things were lacking in my life because I had no self-control.
Learning that stability and self-control are major factors in having real peace and victory in my life was a startling revelation. Coming into knowledge of the truth about who I am, and how life can be lived with joy and happiness regardless of my circumstances has been wonderful. I have begun the learning process that teaches me that I don’t have to say everything that I think, especially if it will be something hurtful, sarcastic or will cause a rift in a relationship.
I am making progress in controlling my thoughts. And I am grateful for the roller coaster ride because it has shown me how fabulous it can be when the ride slows and steadies itself.
With a humble and a grateful heart, I am who I am, and that person is pretty special!
This article can also be read under the 'My Portfolio of Short Stories' section tab of the navigation bar at the top of the Home page.
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